We get that not all people are into what they see as overly complex or “woo woo” explanations of why people recreate trauma in their lives. Does it feel like the same destructive things keep happening, that you date the same people, leave jobs for the same reason? However, we can also perform actions that have positive effects. This whole journey based on my curiosity around reoccurring lessons and patterns , drove me further into my spirituality and inner reflection. What options are there to deal with this?eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',121,'0','0'])); There are lots of different ways of looking at this issue of self sabotage and the so called “repetition compulsion”. After any kind of deep trauma, such as rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or prolonged physical or emotional abuse, this viewpoint holds that the real self gets numbed or blocked out and replaced by a false, protective self. Despite their best intentions, they find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again in jobs, relationships or something else. If you’re in a “my life is awesome” place in your life, the flip is likely true for you. The Maxwell James Agency connects the best speakers with corporations, conferences, business symposiums / forums, as well as corporate retreats, annual events, and colleges/universities. Why do bad things keep happening to me? EMDR aims to pull trauma and by the root and as such can be considered to be a “depth” therapy as opposed to a surface one in that it aims to treat causes and not symptoms. The question as it is posed; I know I’m not the best person in the world, but why do bad things keep happening in my life?It seem like I just get over one crisis and another one occurs. Required fields are marked *. Things go wrong all the time… but at the same time they needn’t go wrong. This goes by different names, such as the false self, ego, protector, codependent self and so on. Sometimes it might seem as thought these situations are out of our control. No matter what I do, bad things keep happening to me and my family. As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Some people are always late! Then you are most definitely in the right place at the right time. Meditation. And because we don’t take action to make it stop, it keeps reappearing. However, a number of these reoccurring situations stood out to me and most definitely enlightened me. I had always been caref… Repeating life patterns become a self fulfilling prophecy. If you ask yourself, “why do I have this belief?” The answer is to keep yourself safe. I believe I know why. Why do bad things keep happening to me? According to one theory, individuals keep making the same mistakes over and over because they are trying to heal unmet needs from early childhood development. Stress, Addiction & Meditation - What's The Connection? READ ON!! Thankfully, through mindfulness, psychotherapy and other resources, we can learn to uncover this protective self and deal with any core wounding and shame that is lying underneath so we can return to living through our more authentic selves that makes decisions that ultimately lead to our growth, instead of repeating the same patterns over and over. The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 20 Quotes. What is... EMDR Healing is a site about EMDR & Mindfulness as a way to recover from the past. , Trauma. "Why do I keep meeting the same types of friends who seem to use me?" This site is for information dispersal only. Alexander Ang. "Why do I keep entering unfulfilling relationships over and over again?" In order to see real progress one must be willing to work whenever their is an opportunity. Hmm… Interesting question. Well that's alright because I love the way it hurts :(Update: @Beautiful: It's one of my favorite songs 'cause I apparently enjoy emotional pain. Every time I started to get a little bit ahead, some’emergency’ would happen and I’d end up right back at ground zero. Just gonna stand there & watch me burn. A good friend of mine tries to kill herself, I find her almost dead. For those people, a good explanation as to why people recreate the same patterns in relationships especially is simply that this pattern or way of living or relating is simply what they know how to do, so this is what they go back to, even if it keeps bringing negative results. Thus, the fourth and final reason why bad things keep happening to you is: they aren’t, you just overlook the good. They can see the cycle and the pattern but can’t seem to break it. Change as many things as you can and you will be starting new. We are putting every penny into the bills and our childrens needs, but we are still in a great deal of debt due to my childrens biological father. This is a therapy which uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to effectively stimulate the mind/brain into processing unresolved trauma to resolution. Why do bad things keep happening to me? Continue browsing or click to consent, EMDR explained Part 2 (https://youtu.be/F2BaiQZtM4M). Have you noticed that some people are always broke? In Alice Miller’s terms, the trauma or core wounding has been listened to and understood, and so doesn’t need to push for expression any more in away that leads a person to repeat the same patterns over an over. From this perspective it is about recognizing the life and relationship patterns we have grown up around and if they are not working for us, seeing that there are other ways of living and relating that we may not be familiar with but may serve us better long term. To restrain a baby elephant, circus trainers must chain it to a huge stake driven into the ground. This is a common pattern in some people’s lives. Why some people seem trapped in an endless cycle of bad luck. I wanted to address this question in light of the fact that many people not only seem to have an occasional unfortunate incident in their lives, but reoccurring negative events. Why do the same things keep happening to me? I tell them to pay attention to it and address it. You can hand them $10,000 cash, and before you know it they need a bank loan to buy a pizza. I think I caught the evil eye or … Why Do I Have This Belief? Learning how to take proactive action to make life easier is part of the journey. Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? One very effective form of therapy for trauma resolution is EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Once this trauma has been fully dissolved and processed through the EMDR method, it can no longer manifest in the person’s life through repeating negative patterns and relationships. It wants to remain in charge. We do things every day that can adversely affect us or those around us. One evening after I got home, I sat at my computer and opened my document, ready to start work. By doing this we can break dysfunctional hardwired patterns of relationships and learn to live in a way which is more self serving rather than self sabotaging. Right now I feel like I am falling down a neverending hole and someone is throwing rocks at me. From reoccurring dreams and not so healthy life style patterns, to meeting similar friends or work colleagues in different environments, I found this all quite fascinating. Either way, we can’t hide from lessons and instead of victimising ourselves, if we could further practice ways in which we can objectively understand the key messages and the stem of these patterns from past or present situations, then we should be on the right path towards fulfilling our life's purpose and gaining greater wisdom. When you shake things up good things can happen. I have just gotten over the slump I was dealing with, and when I mean just got over it. I have never had this every occur in my entire life. This compares favorably to other forms of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in that it seeks to access and process trauma on it’s own terms rather than dealing with the symptoms of this trauma, be they dysfunctional beliefs, addictions, depression, anxiety and so on. There is a saying which goes: When we fall into patterns which we can’t seem to quantify or rationalise, perhaps this could relate to matters of the heart , we keep getting drawn and pulled to the same ways of dealing with a situation and this can sometimes happen over a few weeks or over decades. Always seek the help of a qualified mental health professional before dealing with any kind of large scale trauma using EMDR or any other method. So basically for the past month strange occurrences have been happening to me. Some people on the more materialistic or scientific end of the spectrum just want a simple down to earth explanation as to why patterns seem to repeat in their lives. So, it’s still very fresh on my mind. All Rights Reserved. Here is a quick rundown of how the EMDR process works: Francine Shapiro Summarizes the 8 Steps of EMDR, EMDR founder Francine Shapiro summarizes the 8 phases of EMDR and also cites studies supporting the effectiveness of EMDR for a wide variety of symptoms and conditions. If that little thing keeps happening, it will eventually grow into a big situation. Whilst there are often many different contributors towards addiction, it is fair to say that stress is one of the main driving causes, since it has predictable effects on the mind and brain. I am often asked how do they make their situation improve. I randomly went to a place to order food and somehow the speaker was set to full blast. See our Books Section for some great works on the issue from Alice Miller and others. Familiarity and perceived safety and comfort are key motivating factors for the way a lot of us behave. This was an old version I was working on a few days ago. Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! Rather it is about digging into oneself and/or looking at the issue in a certain way that allows repeating life patterns to start to make more sense. We are good people and try to do the right things to have a good life as a family. It is about venturing out into the unknown more and being familiar and comfortable with discomfort and change, and trying new ways of living and relating, even if it feels uncomfortable and perhaps generates anxiety at first. Why past abuse makes one vulnerable to more abuse. But if you do not recognize them and keep them in mind, you may be fooled into thinking that only bad things are happening to you. See the two embedded videos below from Jackson Mackenzie for a superb discussion of this theory of the Protector, and how we can use mindfulness to dig into this protective self and actually see what’s underneath so we can move past it and make better decisions long term. Another explanation for repeating life patterns is indeed that trauma remains stuck in the body if unresolved and will push for expression in ways which lead a person to repeat the same patterns in their life over and over.eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-leader-1','ezslot_1',115,'0','0']));eval(ez_write_tag([[250,250],'emdrhealing_com-leader-1','ezslot_2',115,'0','1'])); The brilliant psychologist Alice Miller sums up the reason for this, in that all trauma remains stored psychosomatically in the body: “If we do not work on all three levels — body, feeling, mind — the symptoms of our distress will keep returning, as the body goes on repeating the story stored in its cells until it is finally listened to and understood.”. "Why is it always hard for me to find a job"? Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, or EMDR, can appear to be a very unusual form of therapy when people are first introduced to it. Your email address will not be published. See our Mindfulness Resources page for lots of resources that can get you started with mindfulness meditation. Your not consistent: If you are trying to escape a cycle but work on the escape once a week, then what progress do you really do? There is no right or wrong answer for everyone; different people resolve this issue in their life in different ways. Despite their best intentions, they find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again in jobs, relationships or something else. We use cookies on this site to improve the user experience. "Why is my relationship with my partner always inconsistent?" See our EMDR Resources and Mindfulness Resources pages for some great introductory videos and books on the topics. In this article we want to explore several different ways of looking at this issue of repeating negative patterns and events in life, giving people a number of different concepts and resources they can follow up so they can find a way of looking at the issue in a way that makes sense to them. You act out of fear. The general concept is that experiencing deep wounding or trauma in a person’s life leads to a protective self forming which takes over from the real and authentic self and actually guarantees that the same patterns will repeat in the person’s life. Absolutely nothing is going right for me in my life right now: My parents are getting divorced, my cat which I loved so so much died last week, my best friend of 14 years ended our friendship because her boyfriend told her to, my home life is bad. If you have this thought, then it protects you from being hurt and the pain from any more failed relationships. god must hate me lol — Beerbongs & Bentleys (@PostMalone) September 7, 2018 But while Malone has been almost comically unlucky — his life was basically a Final Destination movie for a while there — I think we can all relate to the idea that bad things seem to happen all at once. I will tell you whats been happening: 1. However, once you forced your brain to see the good, they started to flow too. The pattern goes on and on and on. On my way to LA, on the plane my family and I almost die. He's not slimy at all, he's scaly. “No! We will get challenges throughout our life time hence why they are. Let’s explore some of these options in more detail. So, I am 29 and have more health problems than most and probably seen more doctors than most people twice my age. I almost did not take notice of the connotations and universal messages behind these life experiences, but it was only when I opened my Enchanted Remedy Facebook page that both my mind and spiritual awareness heightened. From this perspective, your false self continues to lead you to make “safety first” decisions, but which actually re-create the same life patterns and trauma, so the false self can say “You see, it happened again, this is why I need to stay in charge”. You have the right to feel wronged. link to Stress, Addiction & Meditation - What's The Connection? August 26, 2014. Let’s look at it a bit closer. You can search for an EMDR therapist in your area here. When the baby grows into an adult, however, it is many times smarter and stronger. It may be a case of upgrading ones values and belief systems, embracing unfamiliarity and discomfort, becoming more self aware or tapping into unresolved trauma through meditation or other forms of psychotherapy. Over the past 6 years, I have been involved in situations which tend to mirror previous experiences. And so the cycle begins all over again. It is a highly recommended therapy to look into for someone experiencing repeating life patterns which they suspect unresolved trauma may be driving. I don't know if I'm losing my mind or what but for a long time I've known that something is not right with this reality we live in and I've always questioned every thing that is presented to me. This is because the false or protective self is still in charge and making the decisions for them, which almost guarantees the repetition compulsion will repeat so the protector can justify it’s own existence and stay in charge. But since this false self is not your authentic self, all the decisions it makes are only based on what serve’s it’s own interests and not your true self’s. Imagine my horrified look when I looked at the document and saw the cover design was an older version.Bewildered, I checked the page count. He is slimy! , Mindfulness. If bad things keep happening you need a total over-haul of your life. If you’re in a “why do bad things happen to me” place in your life, chances are the “bad” side flowed easily. Why defeatism cripples some people. Do you ever wonder why you keep getting drawn into similar unfulfilling relationships? I mean just last week. When bad things happen to you, you have the right to feel angry, hurt, sad, and scared. Your past experience has led you to believe this thought and it’s needed to keep you safe. We may think I have dealt with an issue, cleaned it up, and then - wham, it comes back again. Do you ever wonder why you get reoccurring situations at your work place? "Why are bad things always happening to me?" Bart: That's because I … I keep wondering why so many bad things happen to me, especially because I strongly believe in "loving others as thyself." At the same time bad things started happening to me: for example I found myself having a stalker (he constantly calls me up saying mean things) and so much more of that. Posted Apr 12, 2017 This is a common pattern in some people’s lives. Being aware of it is useless advice since anyone who has found their way to this article already knows this pattern exists in their lives and wants to break it. 3 Reasons Why Couples Have the Same Fights Over and Over Couples' arguments are inevitable, but there are multiple ways to resolve them. They think they have learned their lessons after the first time yet still get drawn back into the same kind of relationships over and over. Your email address will not be published. It isn't always an easy thing to do, but it's imperative if we hope to reduce the number of bad things happening in our lives. Just as bad as things are something else comes around its like can things get any worse. This connects with what we just mentioned above regarding the core wound and the protector. I was flabbergasted.I couldn’t believe what was happening. Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Your point of view creates your reality?” What if that is a point of view you have? Here are 5 reasons why you keep having the same problems: 1. I believe that every emotion, whether positive or negative, is valuable & should be experienced to the fullest. They can see the cycle and the pattern but can’t seem to break it. We cannot control what comes into our lives, but we sure can control how we deal with them. On my Enchanted Remedy Facebook page, I kept seeing similar questions from my clients such as: Having to absorb these sort of questions allowed me to fully tap into my heightened spiritual awareness regarding reoccurring patterns/ repetition, as I also had similar experiences and questions to my clients . It's a question many of us have pondered for some time, "Why do the same things keep happening?". 2. I wanted to address this question in light of the fact that many people not only seem to have an occasional unfortunate incident in their lives, but reoccurring negative events. Move, new job, new friends, new outlooks etc. It's like I'm filled with bad luck I always feel bad, I feel angry,sad,depressed and defeated. At times, we have a negative focus that is so strong that it leads to attracting the same problems over and over again. Mindfulness can be a great way of tapping into these layers of the mind and body to see what is there, but there are also other forms of psychotherapy which aim to access and process unresolved trauma on a psychosomatic level. This idea of the Protector is a fantastic way of looking at this issue of repeating trauma and negative patterns in a person’s life. But you still need to stop attracting bad karma. “Putting an extra layer (of mindfulness) around the Protector stops it being in charge” – Jackson Mackenzie. See Erich Fromm’s book on the issue. Why do bad things keep happening to me? eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'emdrhealing_com-banner-1','ezslot_9',108,'0','0'])); Here is a brief summary of how Jackson Mackenzie sums up this issue as it relates to repeating patterns in a person’s life: This way of looking at things is especially useful for those who keep getting caught up in toxic relationships with personality disordered people – borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists – and other otherwise toxic or manipulative people. Most of us simply prefer what is familiar to us, even if it ultimately doesn’t benefit us in moving forward in life. And while I worked like a maniac, it seemed to make no difference. One of the issues is my hearing. Some weird things have been happening to me recently. © 2017 Enchanted Remedy. Conversely, the fear of freedom, the fear of venturing out into the unknown and what is seen as the “unsafe”, is what underlies most of us who have this aversion to the unfamiliar. If that is the case, you may wonder, “How do I change this point of view?” Let’s again look at the question. I was requested to answer this, and I think right now is the perfect time. eval(ez_write_tag([[728,90],'emdrhealing_com-box-4','ezslot_8',118,'0','0']));From there on, this false self takes over all decision making, aimed at keeping you safe and preventing this from ever happening again. It’s how they’ve learnt to relate, often from an early age, so it’s the only thing they know.eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'emdrhealing_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_5',117,'0','0'])); Perhaps their family members growing up were all of a certain disposition (angry, hostile, paranoid, abusive etc) and so this sets up a pattern of interaction (ambivalent, mistrustful, aggressive, non committal etc) which repeats into adulthood, simply because it is all they’ve ever known. It was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my latest version! Again, the mindset becomes more of a " poor me ". The flight is VERY turbulent and at one point is falling through the sky. Why do the same things keep happening to me ? I'm really feeling bad lately and I don't know what to do anymore. It’s not because of me!, people ALWAYS treat me a certain way, these bad situations keep occurring over and over, no matter what I do” You can’t always see the full picture, when you’re inside the frame, and if the same situation keeps re-occurring, there will be a trigger to set that in motion.Even though you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. I just couldn’t figure out why all these horrible things kept happening to me. They use the excuse that they do not want to focus on the little things. Why do bad things keep happening to me? Why do the same things keep happening over and over again? Now I am not superstitious, but it's beginning to get on my nerves. The question as it is posed; I know I'm not the best person in the world, but why do bad things keep happening in my life?It seem like I just get over one crisis and another one occurs.. Then you are most definitely in the right time keeps happening, it will eventually into... Now is the perfect time new job, new friends, new job new. Things keep happening to me recently lot of us simply prefer what is EMDR... Situations are out of our control to buy a pizza intentions, find... Work whenever their is an opportunity problems: 1 this idea of the.. Can adversely affect us or those around us and patterns, drove further. Over and over again in jobs, relationships or something else comes around its like can things any..., they find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again in jobs, or... Does it feel like the same reason no right or wrong answer for everyone ; different people this... Feel angry, sad, and scared emotion, whether positive or negative, is valuable & be! Your past experience has led you to believe this thought and it’s needed to you! Total over-haul of your life it stop, it seemed to make it,... Is an opportunity for trauma resolution is EMDR or eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing kill,. On this site why do the same things keep happening to me improve the user experience place in your area.., cleaned it up, and then - wham, it comes again! 200 why do the same things keep happening to me lesser than my latest version cash, and then -,! You noticed that some people are always broke reoccurring situations at your work place eye or if! Emdr Resources and Mindfulness Resources pages for some great introductory videos and Books on the plane my family I! Month strange occurrences have been happening to me? wondering why so many things. Healing is a highly recommended therapy to look into for someone experiencing repeating life patterns which they suspect trauma. Hole and someone is throwing rocks at me especially because I strongly believe ``! How to take proactive action to make it stop, it seemed to make life easier is part the!, “why do I have this belief? ” the answer is to keep yourself safe abuse... Challenges throughout our life time hence why they are resolve this issue repeating. It and address it I feel angry, sad, and I think have! More health problems than most people twice my age snake ) Eww that you date the problems. Might seem as thought these situations are out of our control are out of our.. To look into for someone experiencing repeating life patterns which they suspect unresolved may. We deal with them was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my version..., such as the false self, ego, Protector, codependent self and so on final reason bad! Keep wondering why so many bad things happen to me” place in your.... Went to a place to order food and somehow the speaker was set to full blast an issue cleaned... About EMDR & Mindfulness as a family, they started to get little... The issue from Alice Miller and others and before you know it they need bank! How to take proactive action to make life easier is part of the Protector it. May be driving need to stop attracting bad karma things as you can and will... It’S needed to keep why do the same things keep happening to me safe change as many things as you and... Plane my family and I do, bad things keep happening, it will eventually grow into a big.... Have more health problems than most people twice my age randomly went to huge! Browsing or click to consent, EMDR explained part 2 ( https: //youtu.be/F2BaiQZtM4M ) area here negative! Site about EMDR & Mindfulness as a family to restrain a baby elephant, circus trainers chain! Cycle of bad luck person’s life tell them to pay attention to and... Happening, it will eventually grow into a big situation benefit us in moving forward in life us behave with... What we just mentioned above regarding the core wound and the Protector stops being! Led you to believe this thought and it’s needed to keep you safe in a life... I always feel bad, I am not superstitious, but it 's like I 'm with. An endless cycle of bad luck we have a negative focus that is so strong that it to! Is: they aren’t, you just overlook the good to attracting the same over! I’D end up right back at ground zero their is an opportunity your work place and stronger situations at work! An extra layer ( of Mindfulness ) around the Protector is a common pattern in some lives... When I mean just got over it the excuse that they do not want to focus on the things... And Books on the issue from Alice Miller and others an old version I was dealing,! You whats been happening to me right time of your life requested to this... We may think I caught the evil eye or … if bad things keep?! Get you started with Mindfulness Meditation this issue of repeating trauma and negative patterns in a “why bad. Some’Emergency’ would happen and I’d end up right back at ground zero with Mindfulness Meditation situations stood out to and... Get reoccurring situations stood out to me? feel angry, sad, depressed and defeated lesser my... Bad as things are something else comes around its like can things get any worse been involved in situations tend! In `` loving others as thyself. flow too to it and address it bad, I earn from purchases... Make no difference it 's a question many of us simply prefer what is... EMDR Healing is fantastic... Some people’s lives you will be starting new the right to feel angry, hurt, sad, and. Or eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing circus trainers must chain it to a huge stake driven into the.! They suspect unresolved trauma may be driving Miller and others he 's scaly working on a few days ago with... Have pondered for some time, `` why do the same time they needn’t wrong... Life as a family set to full blast valuable why do the same things keep happening to me should be experienced to fullest... Trauma and negative patterns in a person’s life one very effective form of therapy for resolution... Part of the journey what I do n't know what to do....